How do you know that at the age of 33 your kids have changed you and you are FINALLY ‘growing up’?!?
*You un-follow the ‘Teen Moms’ on Twitter. Wow those girls clog up my newsfeed. Jenelle, we get the idea…. you LOVE Ke$ha. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
*You’re writing this blog and your 9 year old corrects you and lets you know that ‘Kesha’ is actually spelled with a dollar sign. Who knew?
*A night at the bar means going to the local watering hole in your pajama pants to have drinks with people that make you laugh, rather than getting all hoochied up to go dance at a club. I always danced like a T-rex trying to clap, anyway. Essentially it’s a public service that I don’t anymore. You’re welcome.
*Your favorite and most comfy pair of jeans are no longer made by Gap, but by ‘Motherhood Maternity’. And your youngest child is 6. They’re comfortable. Shut.It.
*Going out to dinner now centers around “Kids Eat Free Night” and not “Margarita Madness”! It’s a treat when you find a place that offers both at the same time. Buy stock.
*An “Awesome Day” means that you took a shower ALONE and shopped in Target ALONE. Anything less is not a truly awesome day.
*Showering at night no longer means cranking your “going out” music mix that you burned in 1999 and drinking a beer in the shower. Showering at night NOW means that you’re washing a child who would really rather have a bath but the thought of 30 minutes of playing ‘swimming lessons’ is unbearable. So a shower it is!
*’Sleeping in’ is now 8:00am. 8:00am is a rare and precious gift that should be cherished.
*Hitting the snooze on your alarm used to mean 8 extra minutes of sleep. Now you can start coffee, pack a lunch, and shower in 8 minutes.
*’Staying up late’ is when you stay up to watch a new episode of Castle on Monday nights. Rick Castle is hot. I miss Letterman.
*Though you love your children equally, your ‘favorite’ is whichever one isn’t whining at the time. Or repeating herself. Over and Over. “May I have another fruit snack?” NO. “May I have another fruit snack?” NO. “I really want a fruit snack”. “Pllllllleeeeaassseee may I get another fruit snack?” You get the idea.
*When your kids aren’t home, the silence is almost more deafening than the noise when they are!
*Kenny Rogers music has become somewhat appealing to you, and much as you hate to admit it, your kids have made you sick with the fever. The Beiber fever.
*”Best behavior” in a restaurant really only means that your kid doesn’t stand on the booth and serenade the clientele with “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” She remains seated while she does it.
*”Doing your hair” isn’t getting up a half hour early for work to make sure it’s perfect. Doing your hair NOW means that you were able to get a brush through that rat’s nest before you had to leave the house!
*You satisfy ‘The munchies’ at midnight with an apple or a bowl of cereal rather than drive to Taco Bell for a number 7 with an extra chalupa. I never wind up eating the chalupa anyway. I just like saying it! Chaluuuuupa.
*Your house is clean if there are no dishes in the sink, no poop on the toilet seats, no cereal under the table, and your kids sweaty socks aren’t strewn up the stairs where they threw them within 2 minutes of returning home from school. Anything more than THAT becomes a REALLY clean house.
*High school kids are no longer annoying. Now they are babysitter prey! Hunt them. Entice them. Be good to them. Do NOT give their number to your friends. You’ll regret it. A good babysitter is like fancy jewelry. You want to show them off, but they’re too valuable to give to someone else!
PS: I have been VERY lucky to have an AMAZING babysitter the last several years. It makes me sad that she’s growing up! She puts up with my scatterbrain, my messy house, my obsession with cats, and she loves my kids! She also keeps all the “family secrets” that my kids tell her while I’m gone! Babysitters don’t get any better than that! Just had to get some kudos out there!! Love you, Bethany!